“Modern Love” – “I Want To Hook Up”

Having sex on first dates has become more socially acceptable that some singles that follow Christ have an “I want to hook up mindset”, which means that they don’t want to spend a lot of time getting to know you but don’t mind getting intimate.

Though the coronavirus forces many to isolate, it does not mean that their mindset has changed and that now the focus of the relationship is getting to know you. I’ve even heard of dating couples, who moved in together, breaking up because they suddenly realized their relationships had no depth. 

So, before committing to a relationship, here are some things to keep in mind. I’ve put together 7 Tips for dating during the coronavirus pandemic.

Sex is not a glue. Sex will bring people closer, but will not keep them together. For a person to stay, it needs to be more than sex. Some elements that make people stay are respect, acceptance, understanding, and honesty. 

Identify the false sense of attachment. Getting to know someone is different from knowing someone. A love connection does not say that you know someone. You get to see a person when he/she actively shares intimate, private information. This intentional and active communication between you and that person is what makes real attachment spark and connection meaningful.

Form healthy intimate ways to bond. Build trust first. Understand that intimacy is not sex or nurturing romantic emotions. Build trust first before sharing personal things. Choose from other types of affection, such as intellectual conversations about purpose, core values, or/and standard of living. Some other areas to build healthy bonds are Faith/Spiritual and Experiential. 

You don’t have to follow the crowd. Peer pressure can have an impact on your decision making, and it exists in all age groups. Knowing your core values and having a vision for your life will help you resist peer pressure. Have people pour wisdom into you and that will guide you back to your own inner wisdom and core values. Having the right group of people speaking to you will always support wise decision making. Paying attention to your feelings, values, and desires will help resist peer pressure and maintain self-control. Ensure to have the right people that are for you and your wellbeing! 

Let go of the wrong person. Be aware of the reason why you are having sex or want to have it. Sex is good, however, when you have it for the wrong reasons, it can turn into a gap-filler. Sex can replace talking. Right sex, in the context of marriage, relieves pain (emotional and physical) and is fun. It’s addictive, making it hard to let go of someone who is not the right person for you. Resist having sex for the wrong reasons. 

Avoid getting hurt. Enjoy getting to know someone. Fear makes people rush into a committed relationship before they’re ready. Remember that it is okay not to commit even if that means losing the person you are dating. Dating is a vulnerable process, yet it gives you time to know someone. 

Before dating. 

1. Know your intentions. Make your objective to know the person first. 

2. Know and be clear of what you are willing to give. People have physical and emotional needs and wants; and they look to have them met during the dating period.

3. Set your boundaries and honor them by sticking to them. Core values and not living up to your standards can be easily compromised when you feel connected. Be aware of misleading emotions. 

4. Have fun. Dating should be fun and enjoyable. 

Going back to basics.  Trust in God while dating. Waiting for the right person is not easy. God created us to desire to be connected to others, to desire love, and to desire to become one with another person. Self-Control can be managed, but after a long period of time, emotional and physical needs haven’t been met, self-control becomes difficult to practice and maintain. Be kind to yourself. Do your best, stay focused, do your part, but when you are not able to follow through, remember that He has your back. He will help you during the waiting process, He will provide the right person! 

Enter this period with the right mindset and boundaries. Remember not to rush into having sex or a serious relationship right away. Get to know the person and let each conversation stir you towards purpose.



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