“His love taught me how to worship Him.” – Essy
Draw me further
Beyond the surface
Deeper into the depths
Of who you are.”
The main word for worship in Hebrew is, “Shachah,” which means to “bow down.” Growing up all I knew to do was to bow down to God, fear taught me that, but love taught me how to worship Him.
Fear was a feeling I related to God ever so often. It eventually pushed me away, but it was not such a bad thing. It helped me understand that He was above all the deities I might have believed existed when I was 12yrs old, and that fear made me respect Him. Growing up in the Catholic Church from ages 5 – 12, I never related or connected the act of worship to, or with God.
My minimum understanding of what worship meant at that time, made me afraid of what I understood worship meant. Yet, today, worship has a different meaning for me. I can remember the time His love for me drew me closer to Him. That moment still so vivid in my soul. It was the first time in my life that I felt a deep desire to bow down to God, but with gratitude, not out of fear.
Read the New Testament from beginning to end, just read it, Esmeralda. “All the answers you need are in the Bible,” my older sister, Maricela said while I spoke to her from Mexico City. She instructed me to read the Bible, and I listened. After I finished reading the New Testament, I went to the Old Testament and read it. I got lost in the pages filled with drama, romance, and so much love. Each page captivated me, and soon after I became a child again. My imagination took place.
As I kept reading, I traveled in time and every page came to life. I read every day in the morning, during lunch, at night; I was glued to every image and every word. There, in the Old Testament, the voice of God became familiar, so familiar that I heard him speaking as I kept reading. His voice got loud and clear. He started to sound real. Every action taken by Him started to make sense, even His Son Jesus started to become more human and real to me. I felt a lot of emotions for Jesus. Sometimes, I felt compassion, gratitude, respect and so on.
I was so glued to each book, that I forgot I was seeking an answer to my problems. However, when I read Deuteronomy 3:16, I was reminded that I was not looking for answers, but a loving parent who would be there for me because at that time in my life, I was all alone fighting a fight that I was not strong enough to deal with.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you” Deuteronomy 31:6
As I read Deuteronomy 31:6, something in me made me recognize my Creator and my Father. The pain I was experiencing came back and I broke into tears, but I continued reading as I cleaned my tears. I felt a sense of certainty that He indeed, will never leave me nor forsake me. All the fear I felt, once, towards this God left my heart because His love was real. I knew him and I knew that I was loved, protected, cared for, but most importantly accepted. His words became promises.
My Father understood my pain, and he was there to comfort me. His promises penetrated my soul, and from that moment on, reading the bible turned into a sacred moment that I was given to enter his love and feel his presence. I felt a love so powerful that I worshipped Him. It was only by reading his word that I got to know Him and His love for me!
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