This is for all eyes; but to the lady that reads this, I hope this touches your heart.

My goal as I write is straightforward: to renew my mind for a godly relationship. I should explain my reason for doing this  before going further. Well, once upon a time ago while I was frolicking on my college campus, there had been a young man who I believed would have my heart; and as these things go, there was a lot of emotional involvement and care on my part. But what I got in return, every now and then, was evidence that he was indeed not the person to entrust with my heart. And needless to say, it hurt.

I actually developed a hardened heart because of it. I built a shell to protect myself from another disappointment – I did not want to be wrong again. I would smile and be courteous with people at a distance but..ehem…God help the man that tried to get any closer to me than that. I had my barricades up. It wasn’t too long before I realized I had to expose this part of me to God to do some clean up…and clean up we’re doing. Join me?

I open the Bible to the first relationship ever in history – a match God himself coordinated. I begin at the point where He had formed a man, Adam, that was in his very nature, a God. Adam was a builder, a protector, he was creative. Simply put, he was the kind of man a gal really wants. God looked on Adam and said that it is not good for a man this outstanding be alone. So He set out to fashion a helper, a woman that was perfectly suitable for him.

So that tells me, that as I am, as long I am walking closely with God, He is making me perfectly suitable for someone spectacular.  My very qualities, my strengths, my experiences, my personality, my disposition, are a perfect complement to him. My Lady, I know you desire a wonderful man that will cherish you for the rest of his life. That’s not some outlandish idea you concocted in your head. If such men exist – and indeed they do – God is actually looking to pair you up with one of them. So no worries on whether that will happen for you or not. As long as you are God’s, it’s just a matter of when.

There is something about a man who knows his identity in God: he knows his worth and his valor. I must say here that I’ve seen this consistently in the male referents in my life. As long as a man knows his identity in God, he is fully aware of his godliness and he is superbly productive with it. He may have a few challenges here and there, but always, he is a man who loves himself and is attracted to himself.

Adam made this so clear when he met his lady, Eve. See, God fashioned Eve out of Adam’s rib. In other words, God made Eve with a substance of Adam. So she was stacked with the same creativity, vitality, and God-likeness that was in Adam. When Adam saw her, he immediately recognized himself in her. And he couldn’t help but be attracted to her.

God didn’t even have to convince Adam that Eve belonged to him. Adam instinctively knew it. When he first glanced at Eve, he said “this is flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone.” In other words, “this woman is in every way mine.” So, my lady, trust the male ego to do the work here. The man sees his value, his strength, his vitality in you; he is running after you. You don’t need to cajole him.

I must say here that a man who sees no value in himself will not see value in you as a woman. After all,  he has no point of reference within himself of what valor looks like. This is the sort of the man that equates a woman’s value with the bare minimum – he checks out her figure, assesses the cup size, then he thinks to himself, “I wonder what she can cook.” A man like this will look to you for what he can get from you, but that’s about it. Lady, don’t waste your time and tenderness on this one. You are bound to get hurt, and you might end up with a bitter heart. And if there’s anything that is ugly on a woman, it is definitely bitterness.


One more thing I notice that might be of help. God does your publicity. After forming Eve, He took the responsibility of presenting her before Adam’s eyes. Eve didn’t have to do a thing, except be her beautiful self. You’re just going to have to trust that God will do the same for you.

As long as you’re God’s, you don’t have to go beyond your means to impress yourself on anyone.  You don’t have to hike up your skirts, or get the too-tight dresses. You don’t have to travel all the way to Atlanta for a social event that you’re sure ‘eligible’ men will be at. Remember, you are already suitable for someone of valor – and God is actively looking to pair you up with him. And if the man’s got anything going on in his brain, he’s bound to notice. So be yourself. If you’re the playful one, be playful. If intense, be intense. Like someone once told me, you got these qualities from your heavenly Daddy.

My lady, there are wells and wells of wonders inside of you. I am convinced of this because the God who made you is filled with these wonders. And He gives of Himself, so it’s only natural that He has put many beautiful things inside of you. Enjoy finding them out and impacting your world with them – I can personally tell you that it is one pleasant surprise after another. Don’t stifle your expression for the sake of someone whose affections towards you are unclear. You’re better than that.



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