A Season to be Selfish or to Be Whole?


“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.”

‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3:1-8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Under the sun, there is a season for everything. My question to friends and girls I’ve mentored has been this (This also applies to me because I have been in the same walk of like), “what is your season?” 

Have you identified or discussed this with God? What does God want to do with you in this season? Understanding your season is paramount. To see if you are ready or not to move forward in a relationship is so important and I’d like to use my story as an example: 

In 2016, I just had broken up with my boyfriend I had been with for seven years. Three months had passed when I found myself attracted to someone at my new church. While I joined a group-fast to seek purpose and direction for the year 2017, I also asked the Holy Spirit to reveal the intentions of this guy. God didn’t take too long to answer me. It was only a friendship. God desired to heal my heart and to do so, He wanted to spend more time with me. He required intimacy.

I was selfish, I wanted the right to have feelings for someone else and to like someone else. All that God ever wanted was my heart, and saying yes to my feelings was saying NO to him. Emotional idolatry is real. Anything above God is an idol (Psalm 115:5.) Do the heart check, girl.

Forgive & forget

It is easier to advise someone else than to apply it to yourself, especially when it comes to relationships that are not yours. But we all have been on the other side – hurt, disappointed, and angry. If you look back, can you name or recall a situation where somebody’s actions hurt you and left you angry or with an ”unfair” feeling?


“Love is patient; love is kind. It does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud. It does not dishonor others; it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs.”

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:4-5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

”It keeps no records of wrong.” This one, I’ve learned the hard way. Someone I fell in love with and had a relationship in the past hurt me and left me depressed and heartbroken for months. I felt anger and hatred, and I was living under the umbrella of offense. I couldn’t understand the “why” of everything that was happening, but that year I learned the meaning of forgiving in love.

To overcome it, you have to face it. Face what you are running away from or even hiding from. God has a funny way of orchestrating things, and it’s always when you least expect it. Eight months had passed when I bumped into this person again, and he requested on-the-spot to chat with me. My mind and my heart were no longer in a place of hurt, but I had flashbacks of pain and hurt.

Love Builds

Long story short, seeing him happy, married, and doing things that he loved revealed the meaning of the verse above…”love is not selfish.” At that moment, I had peace and understood that God was always behind the wheel. 

What do you do after someone has offended you?

Do you usually forgive-forget, or do you have a hard time letting go? We all struggle with unforgiveness, bitterness, and offense, and these are valid feelings. God is aware of them. The problem starts when we keep stacking them or piling them up—eventually, the tower will fall. I invite you to meditate on these questions, I also want to encourage you to spend some time with Jesus; build intimacy, tell him how you feel, how you truly feel. God loves hearing his children, and he loves hearing every part of you. He created you to be in a relationship with him! As you draw closer to him, you’ll find out how he’s reaching out to you.

Let’s pray!

Heavenly Father, I thank you because your perfect love cast away all fears. I thank you for creating me in and inviting me to be part of your family. I pray that if there is any offense in my heart, you reveal it and take it. Heal my heart, hold it, and fill it with your desires. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.


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